"And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice." (1 Kings 19:11,12 NKJV)
I couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong. The day had started out
with a beautiful hour with God, and I had left my "prayer closet" so
ready to face the day. And the day before I had received a major answer
to prayer. I had seen the oncologist, and I had learned that I wouldn't
have to finish up my recent cancer experience with Chemotherapy or
radiation therapy! I would simply have to take some medication for the
next 5 years!
The problem was, I really didn't want to take that medication. I had read the list of side-effects, and, well, "thanks for no chemo, Lord, but I didn't sign on for this medicaiton, either!" And then "things" started to happen. The men in my family were still in bed at 11:00 am for one thing. Didn't they know they were sleeping away the best part of the day? And perhaps, didn't God know I would have liked to have slept that late, too?
And the miracle of oncology began to erase itself from my mind.
I felt impressed to write a couple of devotionals, but instead I picked up my Sudoku magazine. Why should they get to relax, when I had to "work"? An hour later, I put the magazine down, completely frustrated with myself for my waste of time, but especially, completely frustrated at the men for not being downstairs yet.
Nagging at the back of my mind was that trip to the pharmacy to fill the prescription. But I had read the possible side effects of that medication, and I didn't want it!
Aren't you happy about no chemotherapy?
Of course, Lord, thanks! But I really don't want this medication, either!
I decided to work on updating my website. I'd been having some problems with my site, and my husband had suggested the use of a new program. I hated it before I even touched it. It was "new" and, thus, "suspect". And it didn't help when, for no apparent reason, the program began erasing my files.
My husband, who was finally up, saw I was frustrated and came over to help. Ahhh! Finally a human I could throw my frustration at! I didn't mince any words about what I thought about the program, and I must have also thrown in a few barbs thrown at the one who had given it to me as well, for he pulled away looking much like a hurt puppy.
By this time, all I wanted to do was cry. I decided to do what I always do when I'm feeling down. I pulled out my MP3 player to listen to praise music, but it froze after the first song and nothing I could do would make it play again.
And I saw the prescription on the counter. Again!
I ignored it. Again! I started to make brunch instead. But every cupboard that I opened spilled back its contents at me, and I couldn't find my recipes.
The washer stopped then, and I took a break to hang the laundry. But every piece of laundry was wrong side out! I started to cry in frustration. Why is this all happening to me?
Things went from bad to worse from there. Whatever it was I needed seemed to roll out of my reach; my keys slid to the darkest, deepest crevices of my purse; I became aware of even more erased files from my website... But perhaps the kicker happened when I went to fill my prescription. My son had picked up a screw in the tire of my car the night before, resulting in a flat. I drove into town on the spare, with the flat tire in the trunk. I figured I could get the tire fixed and remounted on the car while my prescription was being filled. But on completion of those two tasks, the tire shop couldn't seem to remember that I had asked them to put the tire back on my car...
I really didn't feel like waiting. When I got home, however, I would learn that the repaired tire wasn't even in the car! It was still back at the repair shop!
It was, in all, a very frustrating day!
If you stop and listen on the main level of my home, you will hear the ticking of four clocks. Three of them tick in synch, faithfully marking each passing second. Unfortunately, you have to listen very hard for these three clocks because they are drowned out by the Cuckoo clock. The Cuckoo clock also keeps perfect time, but its loud ticking is just slightly off. It gives, for example, 70 ticks per minute instead of the expected 60.
As I sat in my living room that evening, reviewing my day, I could hear the loud ticking of the Cuckoo clock. Then suddenly, I knew what had gone wrong with my day! You see, God's voice is like the three quiet clocks. It is the still, small one that you have to concentrate to hear. But there is another voice in our minds, one that, just like the Cuckoo Clock, is loud and booming, and one that, just like the Cuckoo Clock, isn't completely in synch with Truth! I realized then that I had been listening to the "Cuckoo clock" all day. I had let the nagging worries over the side effects of my prescribed medication completely drowned out the voice of my Lord and Savior, the One who had already brought me through breast cancer victorious, the One who had taken away the need for chemotherapy and radiation therapy. And by listening to the "Cuckoo clock" ticking of the devil, I had opened the door for the enemy forces to overtake me.
Whatever worry you have nagging at your mind, why not stop to see if it is ticking in synch with Truth? And if it isn't, then focus instead on the still, small voice, the One who brings about miracle upon miracle, and let His voice of Truth overwrite everything the enemy is trying to plant in your minds!
In His love,
Lyn Chaffart, Speech-Language Pathologist, mother of two teens, Author and Moderator for The Nugget, a tri-weekly internet newsletter, and Scriptural Nuggets, a website devoted to Christian devotionals and inspirational poems, with Answers2Prayer Ministries.
(To access the entire "Cancer Experiences" mini-series, please click here.)