Whether a parent yourself, or a grandparent, an aunt, an
uncle, a neighbor, a teacher, a scout leader, or whatever your role in the
lives of the children around you, this important series will give you
valuable tips on how to influence those kids for the Lord! For former
lessons from Bringing up Kids God's Way, go to
www.scripturalnuggets.org/Folder5/parenting_gods_way.htm .
Bringing up Kids God's Way, Part 6
The Relationship, Part b:
Stop, Look and Listen, Part ii:
LOOK!!!!
"And you, fathers, DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO WRATH, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4 NKJV)
The first and best piece of advice I can give in regards to not provoking
your children to wrath is this: Stop, Look, and Listen! In last week's
devotional, we learned that there's no way we can know what our kids are
going through or how we can help them if we don't first "stop"! We have to
put aside our own pursuits long enough to make those kids our #1 priority!
Today's devotional will focus on the second piece of advice: Look!
I know a family where both parents have taken the "stopping" to heart. Both
had made their children their #1 priority. However, the girls are much
closer to their father than to their mother.
Why?
That's a question I used to ask myself. The lives of both of those parents
revolve around the two girls, so why does dad connect better than mom?
Closer investigation revealed some interesting facts:
The girls spend a lot of time with their dad, doing things that all three of
them enjoy. Dad took up cooking so that he could be in the kitchen making
cookies with them if that's what they wanted to do. When the girls became
avid swimmers, dad began taking swimming lessons so they could all swim
together, and dad even plays house with the girls. I also watched as the
girls join their dad in his baseball games. If he is playing on the town
team, he always reserves them seats right at the dugout, and the three
always go out for ice cream afterwards. And you never saw a more
enthusiastic cheering section! When he isn't playing with the guys, dad gets
out the child-sized mitts and bats and plays a miniature game with his
girls. And you should have seen the three watching the world series
together! Baseball caps pointed backwards, big bowls of popcorn and chips,
the works! I could go on and on with examples, but the bottom line is this:
Dad goes out of his way to share in his daughters' interests, and he brings
his own interests down to their level so that they can share them with him.
In contrast, I saw the mom's pitiful efforts to interact with her girls. She
is into scrapbooking, and though the girls have no interest in scrapbooking
whatsoever, mom dutifully makes sure they are with her when she scrapbooks.
The girls love their mother and want to be with her, so both of them try
hard to put together a nice scrapbook. But they aren't perfectionists like
mom, and every time they put in a picture, she is never happy. She always
does something more to it: Cuts the edges differently or repositions it on
the page . . . Something! And she often gets angry at them when the scissors
slip or a spot of glue gets somewhere on the page where it shouldn't be. But
if the girls don't show enthusiasm for scrapbooking with her, she becomes
depressed, accusing her girls that they just "like dad better" then her.
Mom was also interested in mountain climbing, and the girls were mildly
interested in this as well. Mom pushes herself to her maximum however,
forcing the girls to climb without stopping until the peak is reached; and
then she pushes them back down the trail without allowing them the time to
enjoy the beautiful things that are to be seen at the top.
And then there is the music. All three love music. The only problem is, the
girls don't particularly care for the same kind of music mom listens to.
Nevertheless, mom plays her own music around them constantly, and if they
complain, she only put the volume up louder, saying, "Isn't this a nice
song! Just listen to it. I know you'll love it!"
What is the difference between these two parents? Both have stopped their
own pursuits of happiness to make their girls their #1 priority, but here
their parenting styles veer sharply from one another. Dad takes the next
step: He takes the time to look! He watches his girls to see what their
interests lie, and he does whatever he can to meet where they are at. And
when they try to join in his interests, he brings the activities down to
their level.
In contrast, mom doesn't take the time to look. She simply tries to mold the
girls into a second version of herself.
Is it any wonder that the girls feel closer to dad than to mom?
But while he is "looking", dad is also aware of many things that mom doesn't
see. He sees their potential problems and does what he can to prepare his
children in advance. He sees what kinds of things the girls are going
through and is always there to help them. He tries to see things from their
point of view, a habit which will only become more vital as the girls face
teenage years.
Friends, you have to stop your own pursuit of happiness, yes. This is the
first step. But the second step is to look around, to see where your
children are at, and to join them there! In doing so, you will open the door
to establishing a wonderful relationship with them, one that will help you
see potential trouble and prepare them in advance, and one that will ensure
that they come to you when they go through problems!
Join us next week for the third of these vital recommendations. After we
stop and make our children #1 priority, after we look around and see where
our children are at, then we must--(ouch!)--listen!
God bless each of you abundantly as you seek to guide the build a
relationship with the kids in your life!
In His love,
Lyn
Lyn Chaffart, Mother of two teens, Author and Moderator for
The Nugget, a tri-weekly internet newsletter, and Scriptural Nuggets, a
website devoted to Christian devotionals and inspirational poems,
www.scripturalnuggets.org ,
with Answers2Prayer Ministries,
www.Answers2Prayer.org .