Whether a parent yourself, or a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor,
a teacher, a scout leader, or whatever your role in the lives of the
children around you, this important series will give you valuable tips on
how to influence those kids for the Lord! For former lessons from Bringing
up Kids God's Way, go to
www.scripturalnuggets.org/folder5/parenting_gods_way.htm
Bringing up Kids God's
Way, Part 10:
Admitting You're Wrong
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray
for each other so that you may be healed." (James 5:15)
I had just broken up a major argument between my two boys, but though the
verbal warfare was temporarily halted, the argument was far from over.
"Okay," I said, addressing one: "Go to your room and think about what YOU've
done to cause this fight!" Then turning to the other, I said: "You sit down
right here and tell me what YOU did!"
They look at me, their mouths hanging open, and they both had the same words
on their lips: "What I did??? But he . . ."
"Every argument has two sides. I want to know what YOU did wrong!" Then I
turned to the one at my side.
"But mom, he . . ."
"No! He'll tell me what he did. Besides, it's none of your business. What
did YOU do?"
It took a few minutes, but finally he said, "Well, maybe I shouldn't have
hit him . . . But mom! He . . ."
"No," I said. "What he did may have been very wrong, but that's his
responsibility. Nothing he did could ever merit you hitting him!"
A few minutes later, my other son confessed his part: "Maybe I should have
let him open the drawer . . ." Then he looked at his brother: "I'm sorry! I
shouldn't have been so selfish about the drawer!"
"And I shouldn't have hit you! I'm sorry!"
Peace and harmony restored.
Later that same evening, my husband and I got into a petty argument. Right
in the middle of the heat, about the time I ran off slamming the door, my
oldest son came to me.
"It's just your papa!" I growled through my tears of anger. "He refuses to
see things the way the rest of the world sees them!"
"Remember what you said this afternoon, mom? Remember you said that every
argument has two sides?"
I opened my mouth to disagree, but something twisted in my gut and my anger
melted. "You're right," I said, rather sheepishly. "I am focusing on him
instead of me, aren't I?"
My son grinned.
"Okay. Hum. Well, I did chose a time when he was focused on putting together
that chair. And I was pretty condescending. I mean, I started off by
accusing him. Not only did it make him mad, but it wasn't even true!" By
now, my anger had turned to shame. "I was wrong to get so angry at your dad.
I was wrong to criticize him."
"It's just like you said, mom!" Responded my son. "You have to focus on what
you did to cause the argument!"
I smiled and ruffled his hair, wondering just how far he would take this.
"But it was also wrong for papa to yell at me," I said, testing the waters.
"But two wrongs don't make a right?"
I hugged him. "You're so right. No matter what your papa may or may not have
done, my reaction was wrong, and as a result, this thing blew out of
proportion! If I hadn't done wrong on my side, maybe papa wouldn't have done
wrong, either! I think I need to tell your papa I'm sorry!"
And then I went out to find my husband, and when I did, I started off by
admitting I was wrong. Forgiveness flowed, peace was restored, end of story.
Admitting you are wrong.
It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do in life; yet not only is it
one of the most important lessons you'll ever learn, but it's also one of
the most important lessons you'll ever teach the children in your life. The
only problem is, you can't teach them to admit they are wrong unless you are
also willing to model the behavior!
"But," you say, "if I admit to my kids that I'm wrong, then I'll lose
credibility with them!"
Yes, that's how we all think. But remember this: Though you may not ADMIT
that you're wrong, your kids will SEE that you're wrong, and they will label
it for what it is: hypocrisy. The message that they get is this: "It's okay
to tell others to correct their behavior, but you don't have to do it
yourself!"
"But," you argue, "my kids won't know the difference!"
And you may be right. But they will remember. And the next time you try to
shape their behavior about a similar issue, they will see the discrepancy.
The message you give them is that "This rule is only for kids. When you're
old enough to enforce the rules, you don't have to follow them!"
Admitting you are wrong teaches your kids that we all make mistakes, but
when we do, the outcome will be better if we own up to them. The message
they receive is that you understand mistake-making, and they can come to you
for advice with their own mistakes. They also learn that it isn't the
mistake that determines future outcomes; it's what they do about them!
Friends, the point is this: One of the most responsible things we can teach
the children in our lives is to admit they are wrong. This little strategy
goes a long ways towards diffusing an argument, no matter how long it's been
going on, no matter how fierce it has become. But they will never learn to
do so unless you model the behavior. The children won't think less of you.
In fact, they will see you as a human being, just like they are. They will
realize that it's human to err, but with God's help, those errors can be
turned into victories. And because they see you as human, too, they will be
much more apt to come to you for advice when they, themselves, have made
mistakes. So the next time you make a mistake, bite the bullet. Own up to
it, and then set about making it right!
Join us next week for Bringing up Kids God's Way, Part 11: Showing Affection
God bless each of you abundantly as you seek to guide the kids in your life
in the ways of the Lord!
In His love,
Lyn
Lyn Chaffart, Mother of two teens, Author and Moderator for
The Nugget, a tri-weekly internet newsletter, and Scriptural Nuggets,
www.scripturalnuggets.org , a
website devoted to Christian devotionals and inspirational poems, with
Answers2Prayer Ministries,
www.Answers2Prayer.org