Whether a parent yourself, or a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a
neighbor, a teacher, a scout leader, or whatever your role in the lives of
the children around you, this important series will give you valuable tips
on how to influence those kids for the Lord! For former lessons from
Bringing up Kids God's Way, go to
www.scripturalnuggets.org/Folder5/parenting_gods_way.htm .
Bringing up Kids God's Way, Part 6:
The Relationship, Part D:
Trust Issues, Part ii:
Six Important Steps in Promise Keeping
In Trust Issues, Part i, we looked at the importance
of trust in a relationship with your kids, and we discovered that one way
to establish that trust is to keep your promises. This isn't always an
easy thing to do, however. I'd like to propose a simple 6 step plan for
avoiding conflict with promises:
1. Don't make a promise unless you are 100% sure you can follow through.
This may mean you have to take the time to think the promise through
thoroughly before you make it. Try to think of any possible thing that
could arise to keep you from keeping that promise, and if there are any
"ifs", then make sure your promise is conditional: "I promise we'll go to
the park this afternoon, as long as I don't get called into work!"
2. If you can't make the promise because you aren't sure, then be prepared
to share your reasons for NOT promising.
My boys and I hand raise baby birds. A couple of years ago, I promised my
boys we could spend one of the last days of the school year at a local
amusement park. They, of course, wanted me to pinpoint a date. I would
have loved to have done just that, but some of our birds were starting to
go to nest. I knew that during the three week period that the baby birds
needed to be fed, we wouldn't be free to spend the day at the amusement
park. Not knowing exactly when we would have babies, I didn't feel free to
commit to an exact date. What I did do, however, was I sat down with them
and explained my concerns. They understood, and they stopped pressuring me
to commit to a date.
It will happen that you don't always have all the facts, and when it does,
it's better to NOT make the promise. In order to help your kids understand
why you can't make the promise, however, it becomes necessary to explain
yourself. (Please join us for the upcoming devotional, Bringing Up Kids
God's Way, Part 8, for more on the importance of explaining yourself.)
3. If something arises that you can't keep the promise you already made,
be prepared to share your reasons for NOT keeping that promises.
A few years ago, I promised my kids early in the week that we would go
sledding on Friday. Thursday night rolled around, and with it a snowstorm.
Fresh snow on the sledding hills meant better sledding! It wasn't until we
were ready to leave that I remembered my handicapped mother. A snow-filled
driveway meant she was stuck at home. There wouldn't be time for both
sledding and shoveling. I would have to break my promise. I sat down with
my boys and explained the situation. After hearing my reasons, they both
said, "We'll have to go sledding another time. Grams needs to be able to
get out of her driveway!" As it turned out, they pitched in and helped me
clean the driveway in record time. In the end, there was time for both.
Always remember that children understand more than we give them credit
for. When you sit down with them and openly explain the reasons why you
cannot keep your promise, it will go a long ways towards helping them to
understand.
4. Be prepared to try and see things from your child's point of view.
When you see the need either to not make a promise or to break one you've
already made, and you sit down and explain your reasons to your kids, be
prepared that they may not see things your way. When this happens, make an
effort to try and see things from their point of view, and if you can do
so without compromising your own, take their ideas into consideration!
Back when we were homeschooling, we made an effort every Friday to attend
a local homeschool support group. The commencement time was 1:00 p.m., and
we would often stop at a local diner for lunch before going. And this is
what I had promised my boys we would do one week. The only problem was our
morning school work took longer than usual to complete. By the time we
were finished, I knew there wouldn't be time to go out for lunch! I sat
down with my boys and explained to them why we would have to have lunch at
home. Needless to say, they didn't understand! "But mom, you promised!
Can't we skip homeschool group for once?" Suddenly I saw it from their
point of view. Going out to lunch was more important than homeschool
group! We went out for lunch. Peace was restored.
5. Admit to yourself your real reasons for not complying and be prepared
to evaluate their validity.
Remember: "An honest answer is like a warm hug." (Prov 24:26 The Message)
My older son loves to swim. He was on the swim team at his high school
until recently, and he desires to continue swimming regularly so as to be
ready for the swim team in the upcoming school year. Earlier last week I
promised him I would take him to the pool on Saturday. However, when
Saturday rolled around, I was in the middle of preparing my living room to
be painted. The last thing I wanted to do was to drop everything and take
him to the pool! I proceeded to explain to him that I was too busy to take
him to the pool, but when I saw his face fall, I realized that my reasons
likely sounded pretty selfish to him. And when I thought about it, they
sounded pretty selfish to me as well! In the end, we went to the pool, and
when we got back, my son surprised me by helping me finish preparing the
living room. With a little honesty, the problem was resolved!
6. If you don't have a valid reason for not doing so, KEEP THAT PROMISE!
Once you've established yourself as one who keeps your promises, you'll
find that your children will be much more likely to see you as someone
they can trust, as someone they can come to when they need something, as
someone they can come to when they are having problems. And, most
importantly, when you try to teach them that God keeps all of His
promises, they will believe you.
Join us next Saturday for another important topic in relationship
building: Consistency! Bringing up Kids in the Ways of the Lord, Part
6Diii.
God bless you as you bring your children and grandchildren up in the Lord.
In His love,
Lyn
Lyn Chaffart, Mother of two
teens, Author and Moderator for The Nugget, a tri-weekly internet
newsletter, and Scriptural Nuggets, a website devoted to Christian
devotionals and inspirational poems,
www.scripturalnuggets.org ,
with Answers2Prayer Ministries,
www.Answers2Prayer.org .