Dealing With Setbacks
In treating the subject of setbacks, I recognize the need to be
sensitive. It's a serious subject with sombre consequences for many
readers. I don't want to downplay the challenges anyone else may be
facing. Many people deal with tragedy in their lives every day.
Terrible things happen with relentless chains of consequences that
people have to deal with. Whether you're dealing with a break-up,
divorce, unemployment, financial or legal trouble or a spouse's
infidelity, one of life's inevitabilities is facing trials. Much of
our happiness depends on how we deal with setbacks.
The first step is to assess the situation. It takes honesty to
correctly evaluate what is really going on. Most of our first
reactions are not the most productive. Don't discount emotions, but
go through the upset, fear and anxiety to get past the gut
reactions. Gather all the information you can about your
circumstances. What caused the difficulties? What came before that?
Ask yourself, "What is my responsibility?" Every situation is
different. We need to counsel with the Lord; not in the human form
of telling Him what we think He should do for us, but seeking divine
aid to see our circumstances clearly. The Holy Ghost teaches us all
things that we should do. This is an important part of information
gathering. Don't blame. It rarely brings about anything
constructive, and blaming certainly is destructive. Yet this most
helpless of reactions is virtually always the first resort. Have you
ever seen blame solve problems? Take responsibility as the key
figure to resolve the issues in your life.
Many people give God the credit for everything bad that happens in
their lives. There are several flaws in this way of thinking. The
main problem is that we put words in God's mouth, "God gave me this
trial." Even if a specific challenge were to come from God, our
moment of frustration is not the best filter for discerning His
authorship of the difficulty we face. While God may let challenges
occur in our lives, most of the trials we face are caused by
ourselves and others. Many of us do such a good job of messing
things up through our own mistakes, that we create our own problems.
Blaming God just doesn't help at all.
While I truly believe we must rely on God's divine help, and give
thanks to Him in all things, I also believe that we need to do all
that we can to improve our circumstances and to bless the lives of
our dear ones. Rather than passive resignation, we need faith that
moves us to action. Take responsibility for your actions, accept
personal accountability, and remedy the situation. What can be done?
What factors are beyond your control? At first glance, many people
would answer that the situation is completely out of their control.
Sometimes it takes creative problem solving to find affirmative
steps that will address the circumstances. I have found that even
when my challenges seemed beyond control, there were always options.
By finding specific solutions, there are ways to address problems
and improve their impact on your circumstances. See what can be
done. Count your blessings. Look at both negative and positive
outcomes. What can be learned? See challenges as new sets of
possibilities. Obviously, there are rarely easy solutions for many
of our problems. But we can come out of difficulties with new skills
and abilities. The power that we have may be internal, rather than
external. Even if our circumstances don't improve, challenges can
bless us with character growth, strength and refinement.
(c) 2000 by Benjamin Devey
http://LearningLove.com