Dealing with grief
is perhaps one of the hardest things that we, as humans, must do. Grief may
be rooted in a death or illness, or it may be rooted in a loss, such as the
loss of support, the loss of a spouse through divorce, the loss of a job, or
even the feelings of abandonment that parents often go through as they
realize they must allow their children to grow up. This last devotional is a
specific, personal experience of someone who came to terms with the "Why did
this happen?" Question. Our prayer is that you will be blessed by this
series, and that somehow, whatever it is you are grieving, the lessons
presented here will help you to get through. For former lessons on Dealing
with Grief, please go to
www.scripturalnuggets.org/folder6/dealing_with_grief.htm .
Dealing with Grief, Part 12
Why do Bad Things Happen?
In Dealing with Grief Part 11, we learned that when we
follow God's lead and speak out His Words, even to perfect strangers, we
never know when we may be speaking life into someone who is grieving, when
we may be helping them to not get stuck in the grieving cycle! This last
devotional, another personal story of a Nugget Writer, deals with the all
important "Why?" Question:
WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN?
Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does a loving God allow death,
sickness and other hard things to happen to His people? I have pondered
those questions many times and although I am not eloquent in speech or an
astute Bible student I have settled those questions in my own mind. I will
try to share some of my thoughts - just in case someone out there is
struggling with the same questions.
I am reminded of the old hymn "Does Jesus Care". One stanza asks --
"Does Jesus care when I've said goodbye to the dearest on earth to me, and
my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks - Is it aught to Him? Does he see?
And the answer --- O yes, He cares, I know He cares! His heart is touched
with my grief; When the days are weary, the long nights dreary, I know my
Savior cares."
The year 1998 is a year that I will never forget! In January my dear Mother
lost her fight with cancer. It was her desire that she die at home and my
husband and I honored that request. She breathed her last one afternoon with
us at her side. She had been sick for about 2 years and in a way it was a
relief to us because she had suffered so long and now she was at rest. But -
knowing she was no longer suffering and that she was in a better place
didn't soften our sorrow and as we picked up the pieces of our lives we
often mentioned to each other how much we missed her.
Then came the very worst day of my life. It was in early December, 1998, in
Ocean Springs, MS. I was awakened in the night by the sound of my beloved
husband's heart attack. He was lying on the floor at the foot of our bed -
breathing his last! This was a man who was - seemingly - in the bloom of
health. He was involved in fulfilling a dream - his dream of running across
the United States - something he had dreamed about for several years, and
there he was lying dead on the floor of our motor home.
Even beginning to explain all the things that went through my mind that
early morning --- I don't have the words to describe, even now over 10 years
later. My life, my other self, the love of my life lay dead at my feet. God
where are you? The blur of the funeral, decisions, where to live, what to
do?
God in his mercy helped me through those awful times. My son and daughter
came immediately to assist with decisions that had to be made. I was numb. I
couldn't think or make good decisions. I am thankful for my family and good
friends who helped me through those dark times.
Sadly, I couldn't see any good in my losses. I couldn't see that God in his
mercy let my mother go to sleep so she wouldn't suffer anymore. I still
don't know why He let my beloved and loving husband die at age 67 but I AM
thankful that he didn't live to be an invalid.
Still I struggled, I allowed myself to drift from God - not far - but too
far. I muttered things like "why me?". I didn't get an answer, at least not
right away.
Fast forward to Christmas 2000. I had moved to Canada by this time to be
near my daughter. I had been experiencing severe pain in my right hip and
was using a cane to get around. Then one morning I heard a C-R-U-N-C-H and I
knew, I just KNEW my hip had broken. 5 years went by in which I endured 10
surgeries on hip and thigh. Surgery #5 resulted in a severe Staph infection
in my right thigh and the certainty of losing my leg loomed before me. God
in his mercy, didn't let that happen - surgeries 6,7 and 8 resulted in a
thorough cleansing of the infection and assured that I would not lose my
leg. Praise God for an excellent doctor and for answering my prayers and
those of my friends. As a result of the infection and in the process of the
last 2 surgeries, my knee became damaged so that I can no longer walk
without a walker but PRAISE GOD I can get around!
It was near Christmas in 2005. I was sitting in my chair talking to a friend
on the telephone when my daughter and son-in-law came in my home. They both
work and should have been at their jobs so I knew immediately that something
had happened. They came to tell me that my youngest son had died. He had
been bothered with depression and finally the hopelessness of his life
overcame him and he ended his life. What more God? Then I remembered
something. God had to sit on his throne in heaven and watch HIS son die on
that awful cross. Jesus who lived a sinless life died at Calvary so that you
and I can have eternal life. Brothers and sisters - NO ONE knows better than
God what it is like to lose a son.
After awhile, as each affliction occurred, I drew closer to God. Once I
cried out to God, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" The answer
came back to me "You have forsaken me". THAT is when I realized that my walk
along the Christian pathway had been only a shadow of what it should have
been. Now, each day I am walking closer to God. Each day I study His word
and I invite Him into my heart and thank Him for my blessings. I can see,
hear, use my hands and live an almost normal life. I have been blessed with
loving children and grandchildren and many friends. I wouldn't want to be
anywhere else besides where I am.
Friends it is OK to be sad for a little while. Remember the shortest verse
in the Bible? "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). Yes, it is all right to feel sad
but then remember that Jesus sees our sorrow and He feels sad, too. Never
take your eyes off of Jesus. He is there and He cares.
I have read that when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon it has to struggle
and if someone unwisely 'helps' the butterfly will not be whole. God gives
us struggles so that we can grow to be the people He wants us to be.
Everyone's struggles are different but they are for our good - to make us
ready for heaven.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians
4:13)
Wynona Gordon*
In this final edition of Dealing With Grief, let's remember that no matter
what we are going through, no matter what we have already been through, no
matter what still lies on our plate in the future, God will not only get us
through it, but if we allow the troubles to draw us closer to Him, He will
bring good out of the bad situations. He will help us to live and love
again. He will restore us to happiness!
If you have missed any edition of Dealing with Grief, these devotionals are
posted on-line at
www.scripturalnuggets.org/folder6/dealing_with_grief.htm , or if you do
not have full Internet access, email me at
submissions@scripturalnuggets.org , and I will be happy to forward them
to you.
God bless each of you as you deal with your own grief and as you help others
to deal with theirs. Remember, God's love is at the centre of everything
that happens! You can trust Him to work it all out in the end!
In His love, Lyn Chaffart Moderator, The Nugget.
* Besides being a Nugget writer, Wynona Gordon is a mother of three and a
grandmother of 7. In her spare time, she knits for the homeless, she
researches genealogy, she hosts her local Bible study group, and serves as
"taxi driver" for her grandchildren and "chief cook and baker" to her
daughter and family.