Dealing with grief is perhaps one of the hardest
things that we, as humans, must do. Grief may be rooted in a death or
illness, or it may be rooted in a loss, such as the loss of support, the
loss of a spouse through divorce, the loss of a job, or even the feelings of
abandonment that parents often go through as they realize they must allow
their children to grow up. The focus of the upcoming 7 devotionals, that
will be appearing in the next 7 Saturday editions of The Nugget, will be on
specific, personal stories of how God can help you deal with grief. Our
prayer is that you will be blessed by this series, and that somehow,
whatever it is you are grieving, the lessons presented here will help you to
get through. For former lessons on Dealing with Grief, please go to
www.scripturalnuggets.org/folder6/dealing_with_grief.htm
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Dealing with Grief, Part 4
In Dealing with Grief Part 3, we learned that though we may feel totally
alone when we go through our grief, but we are never really alone. God is
always there with us, carrying us through. All we need to do is rely on Him.
Today's devotional will take us through the personal experience of Sarah
Berthelson and how she and her family dealt with the loss of their son:
GRIEF - OH WHAT PAIN!
"Fear thou not for I am with thee; be not dismayed for I am thy God; I
will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea; I will uphold thee with
the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10
To all that have lost a loved one, you know what grief is. The rest of you
may not know the depths of this pain but there will come a day that you will
be required to go through this also. Only through my faith in the Lord Jesus
Christ did I get through a day. The first thing I did when my eyes opened
each morning was think of my three sons, desiring to pray for them as I had
done every day of their life. All of a sudden there was that realization
that one was gone. I would cry and even call out loud to God, "Ky where are
you? Why did you do this?" The heartache and pain in the pit in my stomach
were almost unbearable. When I would go out in public, I would see someone
that looked like him and I would want to go running to him. I could hear his
voice. I could hear his car drive up. I could hear the front door open and
know he was walking up the stairs. Oh my precious son, how I hurt!
Shay was living in Orlando, Fl. And Chad and his family were living in
Pensacola, Fl. Chad, Brenda, their two month old little boy and Shay stayed
with us two weeks following the funeral. When they returned to their homes,
their planes left Memphis 5 minutes apart. I had held together pretty well
so they wouldn't see me cry but when they turned to go to the plane, I
thought I would die. George and I held on to each other as we walked, crying
to the car.
Just to have something else to think about, George wanted to stop at a
bearing shop to get some bearings for our nephew Phillip's go-cart. As he
went in, I looked up to the most beautiful, clear, blue sky I had ever seen.
With a stomach-wrenching cry, I said, "God if my baby is in the arms of
Jesus, show me a bird". I saw this flicker way up in the sky and I thought
it was an airplane. To my total amazement, here comes a bird, straight at my
window and as I gazed at that bird, there came one from the left and one
from the right and then all three birds flew up into the beautiful sky. I
know this is hard for some of you to believe but it happened and it gave me
a tremendous peace. When George came out of the shop, I shared what had
happened. He did not doubt it for one minute. As I have shared this with
friends it always brings tears. When I begin to doubt where my child is, I
remember that moment when God sent the three birds to comfort this mother.
Shay moved home soon after Ky's death. It was such a blessing to have him
with me but now I could see the grief in his eyes and as well as those of
his father. We were hurting! It would not go away for any of us. It was
there and it was real. I wanted to comfort my boys and my husband and I
didn't know how.
I realized one day how I was pushing my loved ones away. I didn't understand
myself. Then Shay said to me, "Mom I know what you are doing, if you push us
away then if something happens to one of us, it won't hurt so badly." Oh no,
I didn't want that. I didn't want to hurt my family. They were hurting just
like me over our loss. Finally we came to a point that we could talk about
Ky. We could talk about our feelings. My sons and husband realized we needed
to talk to each other and share what we were feeling.
I remember the night that I realized my husband and I were just sitting and
staring out in space or at the television, not saying a word to each other.
I realized that this terrible hurt was tearing us apart as a couple. I knew
I could not bear to lose my husband. I said, "honey you have to talk to me".
He began to share his feelings with me; he had not been doing so because he
did not want me to hurt more. He was a runner and he told me that as he ran
by the spot where Ky died, he talked to him. He knew Ky would not be talking
back to him but he felt better by expressing his feelings in this way. Then
I knew that my husband was as torn to pieces as I was. I knew I must reach
out to him and to love him through his pain. I wasn't the only one hurting
Knowing I did not want to push anyone of my loved ones out of my life, I
began to share my hurts with them and they did with me. I cannot say if this
helped the pain or not but it kept us close as a family. It took more than a
year for us to be able to say, "I remember being here with Ky". Everywhere
we looked we could think of a time that he had been there with us. It is
still very hard to get picture albums out of the closet and go through the
pictures of vacations and special occasions that we shared as a family.
Through this tragedy, I turned to God like never before. It seemed that
after the funeral, my friends did not know what to say to us. I felt so
alone in my pain. Only a couple of friends even came to see us. The church
family did not know what to do for us, so Ky was not mentioned nor was our
grief. If I could say anything to church leadership it would be to have an
ongoing support group ministry for the grieving. George and I needed help so
we turned to a support group outside our church family. It was not Christ
centered and the people there did not know what to say to us either. They
had become friends over a period of meeting together for three years. They
were at the point they could laugh and enjoy the meeting. They just rehashed
the past three years every week. I left as empty as I was when I came.
I knew then that all I needed was God. I got into His word as soon as I ate
my breakfast every day. Sometimes I would spend an entire day just reading
the Bible and talking to Him. It got to the point that I could feel his
presence like he was sitting in the room with me. I loved it! I felt
comforted. My God was so real to me. I had often given my testimony at
churches and I was asked to share my testimony at the Naval Air Station. I
had spoken there before but this time I said no. Months later I was asked
again and I felt the Lord was telling me to share about Ky. I did! Because I
shared my pain, I had many people come to me and share their grief. God has
used my testimony in ways that I never thought possible. If you are grieving
today, don't worry about people meeting the emptiness that you feel, turn to
our Lord Jesus for the only real comfort available. He will never leave you
nor forsake you. I know that he counted every tear that I shed and will
continue to shed. May God bless you, as He has my precious family and me, as
you go through this day, regardless of how you are hurting.
"I will praise Thee, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell all Thy
marvelous works" (Psalms 9:1)
Sarah Berthelson*
Friends, please remember: When tragedy strikes, all you need is God! He's
the only one who can get you through! These types of situations can drive us
closer to Him, and when they do, our lives are blessed beyond compare. And
sharing our pain with others is not only one way to help ease their pain,
but it also helps to ease ours! Please join us next Saturday, for Dealing
with Grief, Part 5: Dealing with Suicide
* Sarah Berthelson's Book "He Guides My Path", "Just Jesus"
and "Only By His Grace"may be purchased at: Barnes And Noble.com, Target and
Amazon.com This writing may be used in its entirety, with credits in tact,
for non-profit ministering purposes.
Sarah@Berthelson.com