When God Questioned Me
"Perfect love casts out fear." (I John 4:16a,
4:18a)
My newborn son was only two weeks old when suddenly one night, a horrific
headache hit me and wouldn’t stop. Hubby took me to the emergency room,
thinking that with the right meds he would just bring me back home.
It didn’t turn out that way. Seems the headache was the beginning of real
trouble. The doctors all consulted then transferred me to a larger hospital
where there were neurologists on staff. They made many more tests then
determined there was an aneurysm on the brain, but too deeply embedded for
it to be surgically repair it. Needless to say, for some time there
afterwards, my daily activities were greatly curtailed. Little by little,
day by day, I regained my strength and motor capabilities. Eventually, I
returned to my former way of life; raising five kids, and serving as church
secretary and pastor’s wife.
Fast forward quite a few years. The children are all grown and the last one
is in High School. I begin having trouble again with headaches and with my
sense of balance. Off to the doctor’s office again. After sonograms to the
carotid arteries, it was determined that I needed another arteriogram. Lying
there on the table while the doctor threaded the little tiny camera into my
brain, I heard the nurse say quietly to the doctor, “Do you see that
aneurysm?” The doctor quietly replied, “Yes, I see it.”
I began to complain to the lord (still while under the “don’t care” drugs
they give you for such a procedure) “No, God, I don’t want to be paralyzed
and a prisoner in my own body! I would rather just go on home to be with
you!”
It seemed as if the Lord spoke to me audibly. “Audrey, haven’t I been with
you during all the past difficulties?”
“Yes, Lord.”
“Well then, don’t you think I would be with you this time if I choose to let that aneurysm burst?”
“I know Lord."
“Will you love me enough to keep right on trusting me, no matter what I do to you?”
Hmmm, I had to think on that one for a bit. Finally, I
could say with my whole heart, “Yes, Lord, I will trust You, no matter what.
Do with me what You will.”
From that minute on, I began to heal. Never did have to have the brain
surgery! I am now 76 years old and that aneurysm has never caused me to be
paralyzed, crippled, or mentally impaired. The scar is still there,
according to my doctor, but no problem to the things my body needs to do!
You might say, “What happened?"
Well, I had thousands praying for me all up and down
the eastern seaboard. I had one doctor tell me later after a heart cath,
“Well I don’t know if I would call it a miracle, but it sure does rate up
there with one!"
You just can’t beat letting God have His way in your life.
Audrey Byars Mullen in Georgia